~ Great Week ~

Is been a great week for me .. (20th-27th July 2008) .. will remember these day .. coz i'm bless and i see God ..God's love .. God's grace .. God's promises .. God's everything .. Thru this week .. i hav been gained back my confident .. ~ due to something happened recently,i hav lost all my confident in dealing with ppl .. coz i hav lost confident in talking with ppl,to build relationship wif ppl even my colleage,family member,frens,and others .. ~ ppl might see i'm strong & still d same but actually there are many holes inside oledi .. But really thanks God for He had send me to the battle field (the mission trip) .. i'm not only giving but at the same time i'm receiving .. and the receiving is more than wat i gav .. ~ Quite tired but i believe everyone there are so enjoyed and happy .. we all worked together .. no you or me .. but is HIM, our dear Daddy in heaven .. ~ In just a short week , we able to built a close relationship within one another, its really by God's grace and indeed it take me and them to use our heart and take our initiative to work it out .. haha ..^^ .. why? coz we are from different culture and background and different language .. its really take both side to work on it .. T.T .. i'm so touched by them .. and i really love them .. a~za .. a~za .. ^^ ..

~ c.H.a.n.G. ~

frens .. alot of change in our live .. cg .. frens circle .. family and alot alot .. ppl come & ppl go .. truely,if we not hold it strongly .. we will fall apart .. ! no matter how , do gambateh ^_^ and fight for it .. for Him .. for ourself .. for our future .. ok ~ God is everywhere .. no matter where we go , as long He is still in us .. then He is there .. I received a sms from one of my xprimary classmate , the sms was like below :- 生命中，输给谁都好，就是不要输给自己！ 那会让你后悔莫及 。。。 。。。 要过的幸福就该拼命去争取，^_^ 不管结局如何，有努力过的人生都是最美丽的 .. ^_^ .. So 加油哟！

~ 想太多 - 李玖哲 ~

你笑着说 他是朋友 但你眼中太温柔 我的不安 那么沉重 只有你不懂 他霸占了你的心中 属于我的角落 所以你说 我们 不是你和我 是我想太多 你总这样说 但你却没有 真的心疼我 是我想太多 我也这样说 这是唯一能安慰我的理由 他霸占了你的心中 属于我的角落 所以你说 我们 不是你和我 是我想太多 你总这样说 但你却没有 真的心疼我 是我想太多 我也这样说 这是唯一能安慰我的理由 我想我没有 错怪了什么 虽然你不说 或许错在我 太晚我才懂 爱了你太多 是我想太多 你总这样说 但你却没有 真的心疼我 是我想太多 我也这样说 这是唯一能安慰我的理由

~ Awakeness ~ of mind ..

July 14 This year .. 2008 .. is been a very tough year for me .. ! Lots of things happened , loose lots of things specially myself .. But i gain a precious things in my life oso .. which is HIM ~ my Lord .. Been thru alot .. juz found that i really put God away all this while .. asked Him to came in but ignore Him .. His advise , His words , The relationship with Him .. Sorry .. Sorry .. +_+ .. I do love You , my Lord ..! I believe thru all this circumstances .. I can stand even more stronger in You .. I want to and i desire too .. But Lord , i loose my strength .. i need Your strength .. Teach me how .. guide me how .. Since year 2008 started , i told my leaders this year i will be more focus on my own life building coz there is a little voice told me that "this year alot of things going to happen to you , be strong .. and learn from the mistake .. this yaer oso a year of turning for you .. if you can successfully overcome all this then u will grow stronger and breakthru in the Lord .. but if you cant .. you will be getting away from the Lord slowly .. so love urself , build urself , and be firm no matter wats come out , .." Cell member are important,they all are precious to me .. everyone are precious to me .. But if my own life oso break down then how can i build others .. +_+ .. I want to be an assets but not liability in God's kingdom ..... ^_^ .. i want .. i really want .. There is only two main things i can do now .. a) Die to self .. b) Turn back to God .. I know that is very hard .. But "no pain no gain" .. Can i make it .. this year ? Can i .. ?

Felt ~ +_+ ~

No energy ... Look ard ppeople ard me ... My family .. my cell grp .. my frens .. my colleage ... Cant breathe .. need a long time break ..

~ I know elLie more now ~

Your view on yourself: You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties. The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for: You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true. Your readiness to commit to a relationship: You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person. The seriousness of your love: Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates. Your views on education Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can. The right job for you: You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success. How do you view success: You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying. What are you most afraid of: You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel. Who is your true self: You like privacy very much because you enjoy spending time with your own thoughts. You like to disappear when you cannot find solutions to your own problems, but you would feel better if you learned to share your thoughts with a person you trust.

~ 命中注定 ~

This Mix is designed by luowei

花上两分钟，会让你感动流泪！

I saw this in my fren's blog .. touched by this story .. ! Let's feel the story ya ... 丁铃! 门上的铃当响了起来，一个三十多岁，穿著笔挺西服的男人，走进了这家飘散着浓浓咖啡香的小小咖啡厅。 　　 　　　　“午安！欢迎光临！”年轻的老板娘亲切地招呼着。 　　 男人一面客气地微微点了点头，一面走到吧台前的位子坐了下来，开口对老板娘说： 　　 　　　　“麻烦给我一杯摩卡，谢谢。” 　　 　　　　“好的，请稍候。”老板娘微笑着说。 　　 接着她便开始熟练地磨碎咖啡豆,煮起咖啡来。男人一直带着笑容看着老板娘煮咖啡的动作,一副很享受的样子。 　　 过了没多久，老板娘便将一杯香醇的咖啡端到男人的面前。“请慢用！” 　　 　　　　“谢谢。”男人将杯子拿到嘴边，浅浅地尝了一口。 　　 　　　　“第一次来吗？？”老板娘问。 　　 　　　　“是啊！！”男人答。 　　 　　　　“觉得我们这家店怎么样？” 　　 　　　　“很不错！气氛很好！” 　　 　　　　“我自己也是很喜欢，所以虽然生意不好，我和我先生却还是舍不得把它关掉。” 　　 　　　　“嗯……”男人好像有所同感地点了点头，又喝了一口咖啡。 　　 两人沉默了一会，一时间空荡的店里只余悠扬爵士音乐。男人忽然开口，打破了这短暂的宁静。 　　 　　　　“呃……不好意思，可以请教你一个问题吗？？” 　　 　　　　“什么问题呢？”老板娘好奇地问。 　　 　　　　“嗯…这…这该怎么说好呢？”男人抓着头，一副不知所措的样子。“或者你可以先听我说个故事吗？” 老板娘点了点头，示意男人继续说下去。 　　 　　　　“我以前有个很要好的女朋友，已经到了要论及婚嫁的地步。我和她之间的感情发展得相当平凡，并不是什么经过大风大浪、轰轰烈烈般的爱情。但我想从我第一眼看到她的时候，就彷佛有一股魔力，有一个声音，在推动着我，告诉着我，就是她了！她就是我一直期待着的女孩。更令我高兴的是她也响应了我的示爱，接受了我。这一切的顺利让我整个人陶醉于幸褔的喜悦之中，只不过……” “只不过！！发生了什么事了吗？？” 老板娘显然给故事吸引住了，她打断了男人的话。 　　 　　　　“嗯……”男人脸色沉了下来，略微停顿了一下，继续说下去。 　　 　　　　“只不过我忘了幸褔的背后，往往藏匿着最可怕的恶魔。就在我们订婚前一个月的一个晚上，她……她遭到了歹徒的强暴“啊！”老板娘惊讶地啊的一声叫了出来“都怪我！要是我那天坚持送她回去就好了！”男人用力地捶打着桌面，杯子中的咖啡因剧烈震动的关系洒了出来。 　　 　　　　“你要问我的该不会就是这个吧！”老板娘一面擦拭着洒出来的咖啡一面说。 　　 　　　　“不！不是的！我对她的感情不会因为这样而有所动摇，我决定仍旧如期订婚，可惜就在我们订婚的那一天，她……上吊自杀了！”男人的语调异常平缓，从他的表情上看得出，当时的他是多么的难过与震惊。 　　 　　　　“自杀！那她有没有怎么样？”老板娘为突转而下的剧情睁大了眼睛，紧张地看着男人。 “幸运的是我们发现得早，送到医院时还有气，只是脑部因为长时间缺氧，呈现昏迷状态，当时医生说她一度有成为植物人的危险。” 　　 　　　　老板娘松下一口气，“那她后来有醒过来吗？” 　　 　　　　“有的，她醒了！” 　　 　　　　“但……但当我得知她醒了的消息，高兴地要去看她时，却被她父母给拦在门外。” 　　 　　　　“为什么？她父母为什么不让你去看她？” 　　 　　　　“她父母跪在地上求我，原来她失去了记忆，失去了认识我以后的记忆，医生说这是选择性失忆症，当人在遭遇极大的打击时，会逃避性地藏起一些记忆。她父母求我暂时不要再出现在她面前，他们认为让她就这样忘了之前的一切对她比较好，怕我要是去见她或许会让她回想起来，到时她可能又会陷入昏迷，甚至又跑去自杀。” 　　 　　　　“她父母这么说也是有道理，反正只是暂时嘛！等她情绪和身体都稳定了，你就又可以见她啦！”老板娘听了男人的话后这样说着。 　　 男人勉力挤出一丝笑意，样子无限苍凉，“你知道他们的暂时指的是多久吗？是十年啊！也就是这十年里我得要忍受这样没有她的日子，就算偶尔在路上碰面，也得要装作陌生人一般地和她擦肩而过。”男人快要咆哮起来似的，“你知道这样的日子有多难熬，这样想爱却又不能爱的心情有多痛苦！” 　　 　　　　“虽然会很痛苦，但你还是选择了这条路吧！”老板娘看着男人的眼神变得非常温柔。 　　 老板娘的眼神让男人冷静了下来，点头说：“嗯！到今天就满十年了！” 　　 　　　　“哦！真的吗！？那真是恭喜了，你努力撑了十年，到今天终于可以去见她了！”老板娘开心地说。 　　 　　　　“是这样没错！但是愈到这一天，我反倒愈害怕。十年了，我的心意是没有改变，但是她呢？如果我跟她说了以前的事，她还是想不起我那怎样办？，或者是她已经有男朋友，甚至于结婚了呢？” 　　 　　　　“这才是我想请教你的问题！”男人似乎略带紧张的看着眼前年轻的女店主，静静地等待着她的答复。 　　 　　　　“嗯……”老板娘用手托着头，脸色凝重地想着男人所提的问题。 　　 　　　　“我想既然你这么爱那个女孩，她记不记得你其实并不重要，最多是重新开始而已，再重新追求她一次，再重新谈一次恋爱，其实也很不错吧！！而且就算有男朋友了也没关系啊！把她从他手中抢过来不就行了！”老板娘笑着说。 　　 　　　　“但是！”她忽然将表情严肃了起来，“但是如果她已经结婚了的话，那你就放弃吧！ 　　 　　　　我们结了婚的人啊！是最痛恨有人破坏人家家庭的了！” 　　 　　　　“是吗？”男人低着头冷寞地说。 　　 　　　　“没错！！所以你可千万别做个破坏别人家庭的人哦！” 　　 丁铃！挂在门上铃铛又响了起来，走进来几个刚下课的大学生，老板娘走出吧台，忙着招呼这几位新来的客人。 　　 　　　　“对了！”老板娘好象忽然想到了什么，转过头来看着男人。 　　 　　　　“你为什么会想问我这些啊！我和你不过是第一次见面而已啊！”她好奇地问。 　　 　　　　“嗯……为什么呢……大概是因为那个女孩曾说过，结婚以后要和我一起开一家像这样的咖啡厅吧！” 　　 　　　　“哦！！原来是这样子啊！”老板娘说。 　　 　　　　“嗯！只是这样而已！只是这样而已！只是这样而已！只是……”男人不停地重复着同样一句话，好像藉此告诉自己什么似的。爵士乐停了下来，整个屋子里只听得大学生清脆的谈笑声。男人低着头偷偷地瞄着老板娘手上的结婚戒指，一滴温暖的眼泪，悄悄地滑进了那杯早已冷却的咖啡里。

~ 下一个天亮 ~

Verse 1 用起伏的背影 挡住哭泣的心 有些故事 不必说给 每个人听 许多眼睛 看的太浅太近 错过我没被看见 那个自己 Verse 2 用简单的言语 解开超载的心 有些情绪 是该说给 懂的人听 你的热泪 比我激动怜惜 我发誓要更努力 更有勇气 Chorus 等下一个天亮 去上次牵手赏花那里散步好吗 有些积雪会自己融化 你的肩膀是我阔达的天堂 等下一个天亮 把偷拍我看海的照片送我好吗 我喜欢我飞舞的头发 和飘着雨还是眺望的眼光 Bridge 时间可以磨去我的棱角 有些坚持却永远磨不掉 请容许我 小小的骄傲 因为有你这样的依靠 ~ 郭静 ~

~ Norah Jones ~

Juz now after lunch,went to walked ard in the mall ~~ Saw this and juz bought it ~~ Here are the playlist .. ~ 01. Don't Know Why 02. Come Away With Me 03. Sunrise 04. Those Sweet Words 05. Sleepless Nights 06. Not Too Late 07. I'll Be Your Baby Tonight 08. At Last 09. Wake Me Up 10. Thinking About You 11. The Long Way Home 12. The Sun Doesn't Like You 13. Sinkin' Soon 14. Don't Miss You At All 15. Here We Go Again 16. Time After Time 17. Angels 18. What Am I To You? 19. Broken 20. Be My Somebody 21. Not My Friend 22. Little Room ~ THE END ~

+__+ 。。！

其实心里清楚知道，在感情的世界里是不可能有“好来好去”这回事的 。。！ 分手了，不只情断，缘也断，朋友之间的义也断 。。！ “当不成情侣，也能当朋友啊！”，总在心里这样告诉自己 。。。 因为自小开始并没有一个真正能交心的知几，习惯了把自己的开心和不开心都告诉身边的他 。。！ 尝试着找寻一个交心的知几但都没有 。。 原以为找到了但结果都只是过眼云烟 。。！ 总是希望能和分手后的他还保持着朋友的关系， 不希望失去任何一位曾经出现在我生命的每一个人， 是因为，他们的出现 。。 让我成长了，了解了，明白了， 开心过，也伤心过， 期望过，也失望过，更绝望过！ 因为真的好珍惜他们给过我的时光 。。 不管好的或坏的 。。！ 真的 。。 ！ 但 。。。 真的不明白 。。 为什么分手过后，非得反目呢 。。？ 不明白 。。 真的不明白 。。 ！ 到现在，只知道我这一厢情愿的想法都把他们害残了，也扰乱了他们的生活 。。！ 并没有纠缠不清，只是几句简单的鼓励都可以把他们气到飞 。。 不了解 。。 也不明白 。。 到现在，只有 。。 我自己 。。又到会我自己了 。。！ 加油吧 。。！ 已经没什么可以做的了 。。！ 加油吧，各位 。。！ 真的不想发展到这个地步 ， 但我已无能为力了 。。！ 在此 ，真心的对你说 。。 对不起 。。。！ May God bless you wherever you go ... !

fly .. away .. ~_~

Hope to fly away to other place .. juz to relax myself and cool down myself .. Where should i go ahh .. ? Haiz .. no money ... no talk ..! Earn more lor ~ wat to do ~ haha ~ haha ~

h@ppi3 .. ^_^ ..

h@ppi3 .. ^_^ .. h@ppi3 .. be h@ppi3 ..^_^ .. Watever is past is PAST ... 加油！你可以的 。。！ h@ppi3 .. be h@ppi3 ..^_^ ..

Bc ... +_+ ...

Haiz .. not only myself got problem .. and issue ... nd to deal with .. Even office oso many things happen .. haiz .. +_+ ... and need to settle .. Gambateh .. Everyone ..! For ourself .. for our love one .. for the person care for us .. The most important is .. FOR HIM ..

Dear ..+_+..

I really don't know wat happened to you ... i read ur blog ... Plz don't says things like that ... Yup ... Is my fault that go and read his blog ... i admit that is my "gebo" ... and i'm not suppose to disturb anymore ... but at least i hav to make clear that my motive is not evil ... JUZ TRY TO ENCOURAGE HIM TO COME BACK .. THATS ALL ! My mind might a bit different from others ... and i also admit about it ... my mind is very weired ... THE WAY I THINK IS DIFFERENT .. A BIG BIG "SORRY" to you and ur frens as well ... I'M SO SORRY ... and ... i really meant it ... I still care(honestly) ... i still care .. 1. how is he ...? 2. Is he getting better ...? 3. Is he still continue to walk faithful in Christ ...? and etc..etc..(At least i still concern wether he is still trust God or not ..? Yes...i do concerned ... (BUT NOW I KNOW I NO NEED TO CARE ANYMORE ..) SORRY...even hundred times ... thousand times ... and i know when its hurt ... its hurt oledi ... nth can cure unless time and God ... (ESPECIALLY For HIM...).. But gal,juz want to let you know ... everyone hav its own problem ... and issue to deal with ... me too ... do u guys think i'm very ok here ... i'm very fine here ...? No..i tell you ...NO...Is NO ...also no one call me up and ask ... oso no one like really come and talk with me ... i oso found no one to talk with ... even tot there is .. but i don know should i share with or not ... alot alot issue in my life too ... but as we know ... (at least in my heart i deeply believe it..)the greatest enemy in this world is myself ... i try to deal with it myself ... try to recover by myself ... did i get help from others ... ? NO...only from God ... i deal with myself ...i struggle ... even rite now ...DO U GUYS KNOW THIS ...? When u mentioned "UNWANTED PPL" ... do u know ... its hurt ...! " UNWANTED = NO ONE WANT IT " I really felt sory ... i CONCERNED for him ... try to giv him back the +VE respond ... hopefully if he really hav the heart to come back TO THE HSE...at least he wont feel weired especially WHEN MEET me ... at least still remain as a fren ... Wats wrong? i juz hope that he can come back and grow 2gater in Christ ... tell me wats wrong ...? ...ok,if he don't want and rejected! i understand and i wont appear in his blog again ... i know different ppl got different way to deal with THEIR OWN PROBLEM ... so i wont blaim him ... AND I NEVER BLAIM HIM .. but sis , when u mentioned that we are the pretend , trying to be good ... i really felt sad ... Not that we dont care ... we do care,but sometimes we ourself oso 自身难保 ... oso need minister, then how ...? We do ask .. we do care .. but how we going to care if you dont want to tell or share ...? As i says,different ppl hav different way to deal with their own problem ... we think that you might need time to be alone ... to settle by ur own ... we dont dare to ask ... we scare later you feel bad or wat ...do u understand..? But i did mentioned rite ... !!! "if you really need somebody... call me up ...! Maybe you not convenient to tell but at least a companion for you,i oso dont mind ..!" Honestly .. me myself oso in a very bad situation ... ! No one know ... ppl tot i'm ok .. ppl tot i'm easy come easy go .. Do they know i really care ... i actually want to call up and ask (but i dont dare)... I felt exhausted ... no mood .. no energy .. dissapointed .. sad .. and alot alot of -ve emotion ... But wat i can do ... juz swallow it .. and seek God for peace ... time to cure ... I'm not saying that i'm a great man or wat ... juz i do sad and felt bad ... But is still depence on ourself to be strong and move on .. No easy .. but live still on rite ... No point to complaint and react .. I still remember last time i tot i found someone that can share ... but after i shared .. wat happened .. ? he choose to react .. and act cool .. so wat do he xpect me to do ...? If i'm doing that,he choose to close his door and don talk abt it anymore ... but how abt if he is the one react after shared , wat he xpect me to do .. i'm still human .. i'm not perfect .. i will hurt,i will close door as well .. why now seems like everything is my fault .. am i fault because i keep thinking for others situation .. ? am i fault due to i'm so care how is others .. ? Till now .. i realised that always think for others is not a good things .. ? Consider abt others .. try to do something to encourage others but failed .. and being rejected .. Do u know how pain is that .. ? YES,I THINK I'M THE ONE NEED TO LEFT .. YES,MY THOUGHT AND MINDSET IS THE ONE MAKE PROBLEM AND CREATE ISSUE FOR OTHERS .. YES,IS ALL B'COZ OF ME .. SO .. I'M THE ONE SHOULD HIDE AND GO BUT NOT YOU .. OK!!!

Pain Again ...

Damn ... why things happened in juz the same time ... My "old place" pain again ... seriously ... Why ... izzit mentally pain not enuf ... come again the physical body ... *Gosh*...really pain ... Need rest ... +_+ ...

Busy ... *_*...

So busy ... but good also ... i can focus on myself,my own things rather that him ... a ... Working the whole day ... even try OT myself ...juz to fill up the time ... b ... Looking for frens to hav a drinks ... c ... Spent time with the Lord ... d ... Spent time with my family ... e ... wat else ... f ... Calm down and rest ...

Worth it ... or ... not...?!?

I Guess Not ... ^_^ ... But good also ... at least i know ... and get away from it earlier ...! ^_^ ... Amen ... !

Stupid ... Damn Stupid ... !

After talked my feeling and sadness to someone...i felt better...much more better...! Honestly...really sad...felt dissapointed ... towards relationship ... towards myself ... especially towards him ... ! Cant said is his fault ... but juz wrong timing ... + ... wrong person ... i guess ...^_^ Wat to do beside accept it .. & let it go .. ! Kinda angry coz so ... >< ... blur and suddenly ... ^_^ ... wat to do beside cry ... haha ..! Felt that myself so stupid ... so damn stupid ... ! Haiz.. *Gosh* ...

加油哦！各位！

试过了，伤心了，尽力了，失望了，无助了，放弃了，。。。最后。。。恢复吧！。。。加油吧！ 曾经被伤过，而且还是最近才刚发生的！好伤心，好不甘愿，好想赏对方一巴掌。。。！你会吗？ 但我知上帝是在考验我，一直考验我的懦弱直到我都战胜了我的弱点！ 我很庆幸当初我选择继续侍奉上帝，没有离开！ 现在的我，恋情还是一样不顺利但我相信上帝是要让我学习更多的功课所以才让我经过那么多的伤害，考验因为他知那就是我的弱点，他要我学习，一天不毕业他就不会放过我。。 哈哈！虽如此。。但我知我一次比一次更容易放的开，对上帝的信心和专注也一天比一天强。。。 最主要的是，上帝是因为在乎我所以才考验我，如果上帝选择不考验我，不跟我讲话，那就表示他放弃了我咯！ （但我们都知上帝是不会放弃的，因为放弃的永远是我们人类而不是他） 呵呵。。加油加油！ 加油，虽然我们并不认识彼此但我们一样是上帝的子女，我们拥有一样的恩典，我们的力量来自一样的父亲。。。！

Tis Morning~~

I felt exhausted when i wokeup this morning...no energy..no mood.. tired ... its been a few week in this situation.. But i heard a little voice in me ... Read the word ...!!! Then after i done so ... i felt much much better ...! Yup,truly God is here for me ... God is dealing deeply with me ... my weaknesses ... So harsh ... so pain ... so tired ... but glad that never give up ... Sometimes been cheated by temptation ... thought it will be better but when turn into it ... ><;;; Died Hard .. haha..~~ Its time to wake up .. move on as my leader says ... things happened cant change but things yet to happen is decide by us ... Been praying for "set free"..its need alot of time .. Sometimes when i think back my past ... i looking down at myself ... why ... ? I'm really do my best ... why ...?Why i let fear takeover me...? But now ... getting realized ... God knew that i'm weak in this so He put me in different situation so that i can be more and more stronger and independence ... specially in "that" area ...! Lord...now i know ... is not my strength ...But is Your strength ...! I've been always care for what others think of me ... always tried to not hurting anyone ... thats why i won't says "NO" most of the time ... But seems like it not worked and is proved now... and the worst is i'm hurting the people ard me ... What am i doing ... Gosh...i'm so weak..! ... since i says let go then i should keep my word ... not to care ... this is also my weaknesses ... sorry for disturbing and thanks for reminding and truely i meant...sorry! This morning will be a turning point to me ... start to live a life ... not for others but for Him and me myself ...! GAMBATEH ... Life can be excellent with God in me ... GAMBATEH ...